


Blood Fever

by BlackVelvet42



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Alien Virus, F/M, Porn with Feelings, Shameless Smut, Vampires
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:42:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28247847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackVelvet42/pseuds/BlackVelvet42
Summary: "After a day out of contact with anyone, immersed in the silent echoes of history, he returned to Voyager among the last of the crew, tired and dirty, but visibly energized, like a man reborn."
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Comments: 111
Kudos: 94
Collections: 25 Days of Voyager (2020 Version)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for the beta traccigaryn!

* * *

The dream was unlike any she'd had before. Breathtakingly vivid, almost palpable.

A shadow, dark and powerful, hovered over her, but lying paralyzed in her bed, she could only listen to its whispers, speaking of a hunger, a craving for something only she could offer. Her heart thundered wild and loud, but instead of resisting, she wanted to surrender, to give the entity everything it needed.

It wasn't until a cool breeze touched her wrist and moved along her bare arm to the side of her neck that she startled awake. Gasping, she sat up and glanced around in the darkness, clutching the blanket to her chest, goosebumps all over her skin.

“Chakotay?”

Why her instinctive reaction was to call for him, she couldn’t tell. True, she did fantasize about her first officer more than was probably healthy, but there was absolutely no reason he would be in her bedroom, any time of the day. Then again, there was no explanation for a breeze in her room either. And her instincts, whatever they told her, were rarely wrong.

Not that it mattered what she thought. Because by the morning, the memory of the night had faded. 

∞

Kathryn tossed her empty cup back in the replicator and glared at the vanishing molecules.

One cup of coffee was a joke. The dull ache at the back of her head she’d woken up with had already grown into a steady throbbing and without her usual second, third, and fourth cup soon, she wasn’t sure how she would survive until lunch.

She sighed and pulled on her jacket. Cutting back on coffee was possibly the worst idea she'd had their entire journey. Combined with the restless dreams and interrupted sleep, even if she hadn’t been awake for long before dozing off again, the day didn’t look too bright.

As if confirming her fears, on the bridge, she found that the seat next to hers remained empty. Didn’t the Doctor promise to release Chakotay today? Still, with or without him or coffee, she would have to begin the shift.

“Morning everyone. How is the dilithium separation process coming along?”

Their most recent stop on an uninhabited planet in an uninhabited star system had turned out to be well worth the detour. Not only did their sensor readings prove correct and the planet’s crust indeed a source of some much-needed dilithium - even if it were in a form that required multi-phased refining before it could be used in the warp core - but also its mellow climate and idyllic landscapes had provided a magnificent setting for an equally much-needed shore leave. Without a species to claim the resources, _Voyager_ was free to seize both opportunities.

The planet did pose a bit of a mystery though. 

Scans of the surface showed that, until several centuries ago, the planet had sustained a thriving pre-warp civilization, but for some reason _Voyager_ ’s sensors were unable to determine, the entire population had gone extinct in a matter of years. There were no signs of outside attacks, wars, or natural disasters, only the remains of a culture now forever gone. 

Chakotay, of course, couldn’t leave such an intriguing puzzle unsolved and so, while others beamed down to enjoy the balmy beaches and a day in the sun, he chose to strap on his backpack and head towards the mountains to explore a cave containing structures he believed could supply him with answers. After a day out of contact with anyone, immersed in the silent echoes of history, he returned to _Voyager_ among the last of the crew, tired and dirty, but visibly energized, like a man reborn.

Seeing him happy warmed her heart. Opportunities for such harmless, private adventures were few and far between but she made a mental note to suggest them to him herself whenever a window opened. 

But the very same night, he was struck down with a high fever.

The scans revealed a viral infection that had gone undetected by the transporter biofilter, presumably transmitted through a bite found on his neck, even though Chakotay couldn’t recall any animals larger than mosquitos bothering him and thus had no idea where he could have gotten the wound. Even more surprising was the virus’s aggressiveness. Indifferent to any attempts to suppress it, the infection swept through his system with remarkable speed, bringing with it a restlessness that required four ensigns to restrain him and delusions of a shadow-like attacker he fought with the last of his strength before his heart stopped beating. The hyposprays pressed to his neck had no effect, but as the Doctor prepared him for life support, Chakotay revived on his own, all symptoms and the virus gone from his system almost as if it had never existed. 

Almost.

The differences were small, but enough to draw the Doctor’s attention. Instead of harming him, it seemed that the battle to defeat the virus had been beneficial, the ordeal leaving Chakotay even healthier than he was before. The Doctor was thrilled. An alien virus that could actually be useful - after the patient had been clinically dead first, Kathryn wanted to point out, but managed to hold her tongue. 

Fascinated by the medical phenomenon, he insisted Chakotay stay in sickbay for an extra day, and when Kathryn asked when she could expect her first officer to return to duty, he reminded her of safety protocols and dived back to gather more data, no doubt planning on another paper to be published as soon as they were back on Earth. And Chakotay, patient as always and curious about the illness too, wondering if the virus could explain the extinction of an entire species, indulged him.

Still, enough was enough.

Just as she was about to call the Doctor and order him to release his hostage, a familiar voice greeted everyone at the doors.

“Good morning!” The energy in both Chakotay’s tone and step as he strode down the stairs brought all eyes on him. “How is everyone?”

The crew had been as worried for him as she had, but seeing him eased those worries in an instant. Not only did he look healed, but he also looked… radiant. Kathryn studied him closer. He was still a little pale, as would be expected after lying in sickbay with a high fever, but his eyes shone bright and he moved with exceptional grace, his posture even more confident and relaxed than usual.

Kathryn realized she was staring. Not that she didn’t often steal glances at him, but now, she could hardly tear her eyes away. Apparently, she wasn’t the only one.

“Glad to see you better, Commander,” Tom welcomed him from the conn, his eyes narrowed. “Looks like the rest did you good.”

Chakotay smiled broadly and took his seat, and with that simple, routine act, everything was again as it was meant to be.

“Good to have you back,” Kathryn said, leaning near with a lightness spreading in her chest, but when she placed her hand on his arm, he tensed.

Despite the ups and downs of their relationship, it was the first time he had pulled away from her touch and, beneath the sting of hurt, she couldn't help but wonder why. Yes, she was aware of the mixed signals she kept sending - the touches, whispers, and innuendo that all admitted her attraction and crossed the boundaries she had personally set to protect their command structure - but she had always deemed that flirting harmless, something that came naturally and they both enjoyed.

A chirp from her combadge interrupted her thoughts.

“Captain, I have cleared the Commander to return to service. I’m still investigating the virus, but it appears that once the fever has settled, the residual effects on humans are minor and passing. I expect him to come in for a checkup later, but for now, he is fit for duty.”

“He does look fit,” Kathryn said without thinking, immediately regretting her choice of words. 

Maybe she really should learn to control herself better. With so many pairs of ears in the room interpreting her remarks much more personal than she intended, toning down her flirting was perhaps wise.

“He’s there already?” the Doctor asked. “Wasn’t he eager to get back… As I was saying. Anything out of the ordinary, any new symptoms, report to me without delay. Otherwise, I’ll see him after the shift.”

She closed the comm and turned to Chakotay once more. “Sounds like you’re the Doctor’s next pet project. I’m sorry. If it makes a difference, I was about to come to your rescue.”

“I don’t mind,” he said, the awkwardness between them gone. “I was hoping the research would shed some light on what happened on the planet, but it seems the virus might not be related to their fate after all. That or human physiology reacts differently. A plague of some sort just would have fit the artwork I found in the cave temple.” 

She dared a reassuring smile. She too hated unsolved mysteries. 

The morning dragged on. Without more coffee, her headache wouldn’t go away and every minute trying to focus on her work, even in the quiet solitude of her ready room, was a struggle. She tried to stretch and knead her shoulders, drink some water and breathe in deeply, but the means that helped with the lesser aches were useless, and the one thing that would save her now she couldn’t have. 

Captaining a ship with limited resources at its disposal, she couldn’t be dependent on getting ten cups of coffee a day to function properly. Or fifteen. Whatever. What she was experiencing was withdrawal symptoms, nothing more. She would beat them and live on, and she would do so without going to the Doctor and the instant relief he could offer. Submitting herself to another lecture about the dangers of addiction was simply too high a price to pay.

Eventually, she gave up. Leaning her elbows on the desk, she massaged her temples and moaned out loud. Work was obviously out of the question. She told the computer to dim the lights and was heading to the couch to lie down for a moment when the door opened, revealing a sight that was a sum of all her dreams: Chakotay with a steaming cup of coffee.

“For me? How kind of you.” She didn’t have the heart to tell him she wouldn’t be drinking it.

Chakotay lingered by the door as if hesitating whether to come further in. Then he took a deep breath and gave a bashful smile. “Far be it from me to suggest coffee as a solution to the situation, but I’ve noticed you’re trying to cut back on coffee and while I think it’s a marvelous idea, you might be doing it too fast. Here. It’ll make you feel better and it’ll still be far less than you’ve usually had by this time of the day.”

Kathryn reached out to take the cup, puzzled. She couldn’t remember mentioning her headache or her goal. Then again, the man was highly perceptive. And resourceful. And kind. All gifts she had long taken for granted.

“Thank you. I do appreciate this.”

But as their fingers touched, he gasped and took a quick step back like she had burned him. She glanced up and found him staring at her, his expression unreadable.

“What is it?”

“I need…” he began but didn’t continue. As if snapping out of a trance, he blinked, then cleared his throat and looked away. “If you’ll excuse me, Captain, I should get back to the bridge.”

“Of course, Commander,” she replied, willing to allow his sudden escape no matter how confused she was, but before she had finished, he was already out the door.

If the incident had remained an isolated one, she might not have thought more about it, but over the next few days, the same peculiar encounters repeated themselves, up to the point that they became a routine. 

Whenever she was struggling with a problem to be solved or a decision to be made, her concentration faltering due to the headaches and the lack of proper sleep, even if she didn’t express her need for help, somehow, he was always there for her. Offering his advice and support was a part of his job and as such nothing new, but his timing and intuition had developed into a skill that almost felt like mind-reading. Then, as soon as she relaxed and showed her appreciation in any way, he tensed and retreated with a haunted look in his eyes. 

She liked to think they were a good team, capable of discussing even the most difficult and sensitive matters. But when it came to their personal relationship and the turbulent feelings beneath their professional calm, they foundered. So she was left to ponder the strange currents between them on her own.

Chakotay’s behavior had changed after his recovery from the virus, that much was certain. A closeness with death was a powerful experience, enough to make anyone weigh their life choices and even alter their personality, but considering everything Chakotay had been through in his past, she doubted these events alone had such an impact on him. Physically, he had been pronounced healed and well, but to make sure she hadn’t missed something important, she marched to the sickbay again. Listening to the Doctor's thorough report on all the changes the virus had caused - intriguing from a medical perspective but less exciting in terms of everyday function - bringing up her vague suspicions felt ridiculous.

Maybe she was mistaken. Maybe the heightened tension was only born from the mutual attraction, difficult to contain even during the best of times. Maybe now, after a life-threatening illness, they were both just exceptionally attuned to each other's needs, striving for a balance between the professional and the personal. Their relationship had been complicated from the start. Was there truly anything so unusual about their current situation? 

But just as she decided that she was overreacting, that her concerns were more the result of her own repressed desires and conflicting wishes, she noticed one more change. One she couldn't ignore. 

Since his energetic return to duty, his spirit had begun to fade. The transition was subtle and he did his best to conceal it, but eventually, she couldn't dismiss the observation that every morning, the man entering the bridge looked a little more tired than the day before. A little weaker and paler, as if his strength was being drained fighting an invisible battle he was gradually losing. And somehow, that battle seemed to revolve around her. 

His abrupt escapes after helping her were only the beginning. 

In a way he never showed with anyone else, he had trouble maintaining eye contact with her, as if the connection that used to bring him a smile was suddenly too intense. Being alone with her was even worse. Long conversations made him visibly restless, her closeness not a joy but something to be endured. He started to find ways to keep himself busy elsewhere, away from her, until one day he didn't appear on the bridge at all. 

A message waiting for her in the morning told her he would be spending the day assisting B’Elanna in engineering, a sensible choice as replacing the dilithium crystals meant extra hands were required. But when Kathryn met her later in the mess, B'Elanna told her the work was already finished, mostly due to Chakotay’s incredible efficiency. After that, no one had seen him. 

In any other circumstances, Kathryn wouldn’t have given the odd disappearance another thought. Chakotay was fully capable of deciding how to best use his time and most definitely didn’t need her to babysit him, but considering he was barely able to discuss duty rosters with her these days, his sudden burst of energy immediately sounded an internal alarm. If only to ease her worry, she had to talk with him.

To her inquiry, the computer informed her that the Commander was in his quarters but her chime at his door went unanswered. Without pausing to think if calling for backup might be wise, she used her override code and entered.

The room was dark, the atmosphere completely uncharacteristic of him. Only the passing stars cast a dim light on the lone figure at the far corner.

“Chakotay?”

“You shouldn’t have come, Kathryn,” came a tight, choked voice she barely recognized as his, proving she had made the right decision in coming.

“I was told you finished early and since you didn’t return to the bridge, I thought I’d come by and ask how you were doing.” She took a tentative step further inside.

“No! Don’t,” he hissed. Fists clenched by his sides, he pressed his forehead against the window. “Leave. Now. While you still have time.”

He was speaking in fragments, as if he had to force out every word. As if he was using all his remaining strength to keep himself under control.

“I can see you’re hurting, Chakotay, and I want to help. Please talk to me. Everything will be alright if–”

His laughter was dark and without hope, his mind already made up. “Nothing about this is alright, Kathryn. Nothing.”

Ignoring her quickening heartbeat, she tried to grasp what he meant. “Is this about the virus? Or something about you and me?”

In the heavy silence, she could almost hear him weighing whether to let her in or hide from her like he’d been doing for days.

“You really have no idea, do you?” For a moment, he sounded sorry for her. “The Doctor was wrong. The virus hasn’t gone anywhere. I don’t care what the scans show, I can feel it in me.”

No matter how irrational, her first reaction was relief. As long as this was about the virus and not a rift growing between them, they would be able to conquer any obstacle on their path.

“Then we’ll go to sickbay and have you checked again. I’m certain–”

She’d never seen anyone move so fast.

One second he was by the windows, the next he had gripped her wrists and pushed her against the wall with a force that drove the air from her lungs. A nameless threat hung heavy between them, but despite the danger and her helpless position, the combination of his power and wavering self-restraint flooded her veins with fire.

“You don’t understand, Kathryn,” he growled close to her ear, his whole body trembling as he locked her hands above her head and pressed flush against her. "I can’t stop thinking about you. Wherever you are on this ship, I can feel your presence. I can see the pulse on your neck from the other end of the room, hear your sighs when you’re alone in the ready room, smell your pain when the headaches won’t ease. It’s intoxicating and it’s driving me crazy.”

Eyes closed, he inhaled her scent and shivered, the sight of his passion hypnotizing in its beauty. Reminding herself he was still Chakotay, her first officer and her friend, she willed herself to focus. She heard his words and felt his desire, not so very different from hers, but she was still missing some crucial piece.

Struggling for clarity, he shook his head. "I haven’t been feeling like myself lately, but today I finally realized what's wrong. B’Elanna cut her hand in engineering, a minor wound she didn't even notice, but when the scent of her blood hit me, I knew I had to get away as fast as possible." For one second, he hesitated. Then his eyes turned hard, his voice cold and indifferent. "Do you know what I did first thing back in my quarters, Kathryn? I ordered a bowl of warm blood. I have no idea why, but I did, and I took it, and I drank it to the last drop. And you know what else? It made me feel a hell of a lot better. So don’t tell me everything will be alright because the way I see it, nothing will ever be alright again.”

Understanding ran through her like ice, his every haunted gaze and attempt to stay away from her gaining a whole new meaning. The beat of her heart loud in her ears, loud enough for him to hear too, she swallowed. 

The corner of his mouth curled up. “You really shouldn’t have come.”

Pinned to the wall, she couldn’t have moved even if she had wanted to. But with his lips trailing down to her neck, his breath like a slow caress calming her racing mind and lulling her to the softest haze, the threat drifted away and faded, leaving only the dizzying pleasure of his touch.

“I’ve always wanted you, Kathryn, but never like this," he whispered, his warm, velvet voice seeping a longing that echoed to the deepest parts of her, stripping away the last of her caution. "I want all of you. Your body and your mind, but most of all, I want your blood. I’ve fought this from the day the fever dropped, but it’s growing stronger and I can feel myself losing.” His lips hovered a breath away from hers and lost in the dark void of his eyes, she found herself turning her face up, lips parted in anticipation. “And the moment I lose, I will come for you, Kathryn. Nothing in the world will keep me away. I'll come to take what I need and if it means hurting you, I won’t care. Even if I end up taking your life.”

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

“Fascinating.”

The scanner in the Doctor's hand buzzed softly as he made another pass over Chakotay’s head and chest, his eyes firmly on the rapid flow of numbers on the tricorder screen.

“Absolutely intriguing.”

Chakotay sat on the edge of the biobed, back straight and face hard, prepared to wait for as long as it took for his sentence. Kathryn, however, wasn’t as patient.

“What is it?”

Ignoring the question, perhaps not even hearing it, the Doctor turned on his heel and headed to the console, his focus glued on the readings. Kathryn hurried after him.

“What’s wrong?” she asked again with more insistence. “Has the virus reactivated?”

A tap and a glance from one screen to the other and back, and a vague mutter she couldn’t figure out.

“Doctor!”

At last, he looked up, frowning at the interruption. “No. The virus is gone. But I may have overlooked some things.”

Chakotay’s snort was the first sound from him since they had arrived in sickbay and explained the situation. Not that she disagreed with him. The Doctor’s note was an understatement, to say the least.

Kathryn returned her attention to the Doctor. “Talk to me.”

He sighed. “My original diagnosis, that the Commander’s immune system has benefitted from the viral infection, still stands. But his condition has evolved.” He strode back to Chakotay and took another set of readings. “His neural activity has increased, especially in the parietal and occipital lobes, which would explain the enhanced motor function and heightened senses. Then again, his heart rate has dropped to a steady thirty-two bpm, his blood pressure to seventy-five over fifty, and his temperature to barely above thirty-four. So, just looking at these numbers I’d say the man is dying yet everything else seems to be fine.”

“Except…” Chakotay managed past gritted teeth.

“Yes, well, except for the craving for iron.”

Another snort, this time darker. “That’s one way to put it, Doctor.”

“Fine. A craving for blood, then, if you prefer the drama, Commander. But there’s nothing mystical about this. Because of the changes in your physiology due to the virus, your body requires more iron than a regular diet can provide. Hence the thirst for blood, rich with iron.” Oblivious to Chakotay’s tightening expression, he went on. “I do wonder why neither of you came to me earlier. I specifically requested all new symptoms to be reported to me without delay.”

A blush crept over Kathryn’s face. In retrospect, she had interpreted many rather alarming observations as symptoms of their complicated relationship and suppressed needs instead of an alien illness, a much more likely cause. Considering Chakotay’s downcast eyes, he’d probably made the same error in judgment too.

“Any plan on how to cure this condition?” she asked, steering the discussion back to safer waters.

His focus back on the tricorder, the Doctor muttered absent-mindedly, “I’m sure I’ll come up with something eventually. Meanwhile, I suggest you browse through Voyager’s databases for foods rich with iron, Commander. Klingon dishes are a bit rough for the human senses, but I’ve heard the Carlia kitchen has a few delightful surprises.”

For a moment, Chakotay only stared at him. “You… You’re not confining me to sickbay?”

“Why should I? You’re perfectly capable of handling your duties. If anything, I expect you to be even more efficient than usual. You’ll amaze everyone.” The Doctor looked at him closer. “Or is there something else you’re keeping from me?”

Mouth opening, then closing, Chakotay finally mumbled, “Other people might be in danger.”

“Come now. We’ve discussed this. The virus is gone, so there’s no danger of spreading the illness. Unless you’re referring to folklore and myths, of course, in which case I’ll pretend I didn’t hear this. I refuse to believe that an educated Starfleet officer would choose to turn to superstition, especially when there’s a logical scientific explanation available.”

Unconvinced but too tired to debate, it seemed, Chakotay kept his alternative views to himself. Still, the worry he had expressed was valid. After witnessing both his strength and his hunger, she had concerns too.

“Maybe we should consider a temporary leave of absence?” she tried, although she wasn’t sure how that would help.

The Doctor glanced at them both, then snapped the tricorder shut. “The fact that you’ve grown a pair of fangs doesn’t mean you have to use them, Commander. Last I checked, your prefrontal cortex is intact and functioning fine, ready and able to regulate any possible impulses and urges your limbic system might tempt you with, like any human being. But if what you’re actually worried about is the long-overdue tension that I can detect in this room even without any super-evolved senses, I’m sure you two are able to solve that problem sans my medical expertise.”

His patience at an end, he marched to his office, leaving Kathryn and Chakotay to see themselves out.

Heading toward their respective quarters to catch some sleep before morning, the heat of embarrassment slowly cooled from her face. Despite the Doctor’s sarcastic, condescending attitude, she had to admit he was right. When had it ever been a custom in Starfleet to lock up people as a precaution, before they had done anything wrong - even if the person himself asked for it? If anything, Chakotay’s wish spoke of his responsibility and clear mind, his deep caring for the safety of the crew. And anyway, if the Doctor saw no reason to hold him, she had no means to override his decision.

From the corner of her vision, she could see Chakotay following half a step behind her, shoulders slumped, lost in his thoughts. She wanted to say something encouraging, something to express that he wouldn’t have to go through this alone, but let the words fade. Part of his struggle was directly linked to her and the feelings they shared and before they had gone to sickbay, he had asked her to keep a distance. Being close to her was just too difficult. Respecting his wishes, she decided to keep her silence, stay away, and hope that the regular extra iron in his diet would make him feel better soon.

As it did.

The next day, he was already more energetic. A few days after that, he was not only performing his usual duties but also taking on even more tasks than was expected of him. He made it look like he never tired, but even though she was grateful to see him doing so well, she suspected his condition wasn’t quite as good as his productivity led everyone to believe. Rather, his drive was probably more an attempt to keep himself occupied, to not think too closely about his situation and the cure that was taking longer than they had anticipated.

Eventually, he also stopped avoiding her. His smiles returned to the brilliant glimpses of sunlight she remembered, their banter to the easy, flirty fun that made every long shift and dull chore brighter. And when she noticed he was, once again, walking so close to her that their shoulders touched, leaning over the console between their seats to create a space that was for them alone, she realized just how much she had missed him.

What she didn’t realize was how intense those tiny gestures and intimate moments would develop. And how fast.

After his heated confession in his quarters, he hadn’t left her thoughts. Every second he'd kept her pinned to the wall, his solid body pressed against hers, was burnt into her mind, but instead of threatening, the memory was... enticing, evoking fantasies of a hundred different what if's for her overactive imagination to play with. As a result, she was constantly aware of his presence. Whenever she was near him, on or off duty, her pulse quickened and her cheeks warmed, her skin tingling at the memory of him. Knowing he could sense those reactions and read them with perfect clarity added to the thrill, the depth of their wordless interaction leaving her breathless. She could only imagine how the proof of her attraction fed his own passion in return, trying his self-restraint and keeping him up at night, tempting him to storm into her quarters and give them both what they wanted. 

They didn't speak of it, but the pull was there. Like a dark current neither of them was willing or able to resist, drawing them gradually deeper, whether they acknowledged it or not. 

When she found herself addressing the computer, it was easy to convince herself that the questions were brought up purely by scientific curiosity. How much blood could a person lose without her mental and physical abilities weakening? How long would it take for the body to replace that lost blood? Was there a way to speed up the recovery?

In the solitude of her ready room, she could pretend her questions didn’t have any specific aim; she had, after all, run inquiries much more peculiar in the past. But later on the bridge, inviting Chakotay to dinner for the first time since he had fallen ill, the soft tone in her voice was too blatant to ignore. Was that how she always sounded when she spoke with him? So open, so sensual? No wonder the crew gossiped about their relationship. The double meaning in her invitation, one she for once hadn’t intended, was just a cherry on top. 

Under his scrutinizing gaze, she felt more exposed than ever. She could practically hear him taking in the flood of signals from her, recognizing the change, and pondering its meaning. His reply was admirably calm, casual enough for anyone to safely listen, but the dark flash in his eyes he quickly suppressed told her he had caught her unintended message loud and clear. That he knew the unusual events had intensified her longing as well, making it harder to hold on to the boundaries they had agreed on, but striving to keep that course anyway. 

A twinge of need curled low in her belly. They were definitely playing with fire. But even though the thought of teasing that spark further excited her, for the sake of a pleasant, successful evening, she would keep herself in check.

From the outside, their dinner was ordinary, even more innocent than their togetherness on duty. In the soft light of the candles, they talked about the next star system they were approaching, about the problems with the new dilithium crystals, about the two ensigns continuing their quarrels on deck three, about everything but the one issue too dangerous to touch. Whenever a silence threatened, Chakotay filled it with a new topic, something he never usually did, but no matter how they tried to avoid the pull between them, the air kept getting hotter and the room smaller, pushing them inevitably together.

Finally, Chakotay put down his fork, swallowing the last bite with difficulty.

“Thank you for the dinner, Kathryn, but I think it’s time for me to leave.”

Kathryn set down her glass. Maybe she had been too optimistic. Maybe it was too early to think they could enjoy a relaxed evening like they used to, savoring the sensual undertones of their togetherness in an atmosphere too romantic to be purely professional. She felt for him, but the awkwardness was getting ridiculous. One way or the other, it had to end. 

“How’s the replicator food?”

His discomfort shifted to confusion at the sudden change of topic. “The food? It’s… quite tasty. I don’t think I’ve–”

“I didn’t mean the pasta. I meant the replicator blood. How is it working for you?”

He sat back, evading her gaze. “It’s good enough.”

She smiled. “That’s what I thought. The replicators do a fine job with most dishes, but some are just poor imitations of the original.”

“It’s enough,” he said more firmly, meeting her gaze. “I’ll survive. Until the Doctor finds a cure.”

“That is the problem, isn’t it? The Doctor is no closer to finding a cure, but you’re already nearing the edge of your tolerance.” Cutting off his objection, she leaned closer and continued. “Be honest, Chakotay. I’ve never seen you put in such an effort to convince everyone that you’re fine when you’re obviously not. I mean, yes, I’m happy to have my first officer back and I’m certainly enjoying the… energy we have on the bridge, but don’t think for a second I haven’t noticed the way you keep looking at me. The extra iron hasn’t really resolved that, has it?”

The battle within him was plain to see: a shadow clouding his eyes like a storm, his fists clenching in an attempt to fight back, and a determination setting to his jaw. 

“What do you want me to say, Kathryn? That the replicator blood fills my stomach but does nothing for the hunger? That I keep myself as busy as I can so I don't have to think about you every minute of the day? That I go to sleep hoping I won't have to wake up, ever again? There’s no point in discussing any of this when there’s nothing you or I can do about it.”

He took a few steadying breaths, willing himself to find his calm. Watching his struggle, the path they needed to travel finally dawned on her. 

She stood up, walked to him, and took his hands into hers. “I’m sorry, Chakotay.”

Reluctantly, he let her pull him up and sighed. “I’m sorry too, Kathryn. For making you uncomfortable, for not controlling myself better. It’s easier on duty, with so much to do and so many people around us, but being alone with you is… challenging. I truly think we should postpone these dinners until I’m back to myself again.”

She pressed her palms on his chest, relieved to feel his hands settle at her waist in response. At least he wasn’t immediately running away.

“That would be one option,” she admitted, “but I have another one.” 

As if knowing what she was going to say, he tensed.

“Kathryn, don’t,” he warned, but she only gave him an apologetic smile.

“I’m not saying anything we both don’t already know, Chakotay, and we really do have to talk about this. You’re suffering. You need more than the replicator can give you, and it just so happens I have exactly what you’re missing.” He stepped back, breaking their contact, but she pressed on. “And, frankly, I’d rather it be me than anyone else from the crew.”

“I would never–”

“The pressure is growing within you, isn’t it? Just as it was when all this started. Knowing the reasons isn’t helping and, if I’m guessing right, you’re terrified of what you’ll do when the hunger grows stronger.”

He stared at her, unable to utter a word.

“Now. I suggest we approach this problem in a practical manner. You’ve told me you need about two deciliters of blood every three days, right?”

“I won’t listen to this, Kathryn,” he whispered but she didn’t let his shaky voice distract her.

“How about we try replacing one of those meals with real blood and see how you feel after?”

“You don’t mean this. You can’t mean this. It’s… madness.” But despite the protest, the tip of his tongue darted out to wet his lips. She watched his beautiful mouth with a sense of victory. 

“Except it’s not. True, it’s not a solution the Doctor would approve of, but he doesn’t need to know before we try.”

“You don’t understand what you’re suggesting. You haven’t considered all the risks in this.”

Inside, she grinned. The whole discussion felt like she was trying to seduce him, not offer him a logical solution to a complicated situation. Then again, she never thought either would take such an effort.

She walked back to him and curled her arms around his neck, this time with a gentle, playful tease. “Your closeness does have the quality of taking away my rational thought, but don’t underestimate me. Yes, there’s a risk, but one I’m willing to take. For your wellbeing. I trust you.”

And that last simple truth was the key.

In a final attempt to find a way out, he searched her face for a sign - an insecurity, a fear, a doubt - any reason for him to back away from an outrageous plan he dreaded would spin out of control yet needed with every fiber of his being, but she made sure he found none. Her name from his lips was like the last plea. “Kathryn…”

She pressed closer and tilted her head. “You have my permission, Chakotay. Please don’t make me make it an order.”

Briefly, he closed his eyes, as if letting go of the rational, sane voice inside him advising against this lunacy, but when he opened them again, the uncertainty was gone. In place of her first officer stood the man she remembered from his quarters, a colder, darker version of himself, not quite as concerned about the world or the people outside but turning inward, allowing his instincts to take over.

He pulled her left arm from around him and brought her wrist to his mouth, his eyes losing focus the second he inhaled her scent and felt her frantic pulse on his lips. 

Breath caught somewhere between arousal and fear, she stared at the sight in awe.

“I’m sorry, Kathryn,” he murmured against the inside of her wrist, voice thick and heavy. But before she could tell him it was alright, that he should forget about her and take what he needed, a sharp pain pierced her skin, shooting through her consciousness like lightning.

She gripped his shoulder and gasped in shock, but just as fast, the worst edge of the pain subsided, Chakotay’s soft lips moving on her skin soothing the hurt to a dull, throbbing ache. Heart racing and eyes watering, yet unable to look away, she watched the first crimson droplets pour from two puncture wounds and his tongue making quick work to catch them.

A low growl rose from his throat at the taste of her.

Mind in a whirl, she willed herself to stay still as he grasped her hand tighter and latched his mouth over the wounds, head bent to the feast. His whole existence seemed narrowed to the fountain on her wrist, but beneath the fever, she could feel his restraint. His gulps were loud, his hold almost desperate, but he wasn’t rough or out of control, only concentrated - and definitely hungry. If it wasn’t her blood he was drinking, she might have considered the moment sweet.

Much sooner than she thought, he was finished. Sucking in air as if he hadn’t breathed at all in the time he’d spent feeding on her, he lifted his head and stood up to his full height, towering over her strengthened but unfocused, still lost in a world of his own. Then, as if returning and recalling the past minute, his attention rushed back to her.

Hastily, he checked her wrist, finding the punctures on the skin already healing. Next, he took her by the arms, his gaze sweeping over her as if he hadn’t been fully aware of his actions and feared he might have hurt her more badly than intended.

“I’m okay, Chakotay. I’m fine. All is well,” she soothed, hoping that her voice and a reassuring smile would be enough to wipe away his worry. The last thing they needed was his guilt over something that was essentially her decision.

He looked at her like he was seeing her in a whole new light. Like she was a miracle, brought to him by the mercy of the universe. Eyes wide and vulnerable, his entire being radiating relief and gratitude too great to contain, he cupped her face and pressed his lips to hers.

The kiss was nothing like she had imagined their first kiss to be.

Gentle, almost chaste. His lips light as air, his caress like worship. Her own heart swelling with affection for him, grateful she had insisted on gifting him this peace, easing his hurt like he had so often eased hers. But then his fingers threaded into her hair - a gesture without aim or intention - and with the added sensations drawing a shivering sigh from her lips, the sweet illusion flickered and faded, giving way to a force much stronger pushing through.

As if some last barrier had been crossed, silent consent asked and given, his passion burst to life. 

One hand at the back of her head, the other trailing down her back, he pulled her closer, anchoring her to him as he deepened the kiss, his tongue sliding against hers, hot and slick and shamelessly bold. Clutching his jacket and moaning her approval, she reveled in the wild delight of his hands roaming her body, sneaking under her shirt, pushing and pulling off her clothes as well as his own. At the feel of skin on skin, he growled, the sound resonating down her spine and straight to her core, like a warning, like a promise. 

He backed her to the bedroom and they fell on the bed, his erection between them, hard and demanding. His large body covering hers, pressing her down with a delicious weight, she needed nothing more than him inside her. She parted her thighs and hooked her legs behind him, inviting him in, and with a single sharp push, he filled her to an almost painful perfection. He caught her cry with a kiss but gave her no time to adjust. His thrusts were long and slow at first, relishing the feel of her, but soon harder, more intense, more urgent. 

As if he had the strength to go on forever, the endurance to hold back his orgasm for an eternity, he kept on thrusting into her, stroking her everywhere he reached, and looking into her eyes, whispering the love and desire he was done hiding. He was on her and inside her, taking what he wanted and giving an equal amount in return, the man more a fantasy than anything real, and when her muscles began to tighten around his length, the exquisite crest nearing, she breathed his name like a prayer, arching in bliss as he surged into her, allowing his own release. 

They could have had all night, but for whatever reason, he didn’t stay.

Not that she minded, if she was honest. Everything had happened so fast, proving more satisfying than she had ever dared to dream, but still sudden, unplanned. Maybe he needed the time too, to reflect on their changed relationship, bringing along a future with no guarantee. The distance would do them both good.

Nevertheless, he was gentle and considerate. Remarkably so. Before he got up, he examined her wrist again, frowning at the damage he had done. He pressed a kiss on the red marks and then another to her forehead, like a pledge to shelter her from all harm. He brought her a glass of water and asked if he could come back before their shift to see how she was doing, and even though she didn't think it was necessary, she agreed.

The next morning, he appeared at her door, hesitant and a little bashful. To erase any doubt or regret left in his mind, she kissed him with a mouth warm after coffee and told him she couldn’t remember when she had last felt so good. Which was true. Pulling on her jacket, getting ready to leave for the bridge, she then casually dropped the conclusion she had reached over the night. That, for the time being, she believed they should continue their arrangement, as it was clearly beneficial to both. A six-day interval should be enough for her to replace the lost blood and with the dermal regenerator she kept in her quarters, they didn't have to worry about the visible marks either. 

Somehow, she had expected him to object or at least argue, but to her surprise, he didn't say a word.

On the appointed date, after days of building up the tension, he chimed at 1900 hours sharp. They never got further than the doors. 

In a storm of passion, he took her once against the wall and then twice on the floor, and no matter how much she wanted to call it making love, it was really nothing more than seeking release for needs kept locked away for too long. Crying out at the peak of her third climax, she felt his teeth sink into her neck, but she barely sensed the pain through the ecstasy. After, he carried her to bed and settled her in, voicing his love with a shadow of guilt. High on the lingering pleasure and the joy of his affection, she fell asleep with a smile on her lips and slept better than she had in years.

Six days after that, they couldn’t even wait until the evening. He came to her ready room at the end of alpha shift and at the sight of his darkened eyes, she ordered a security lock on the doors. He swept her desk clear and bent her face forward over the surface, pushing her legs apart and lowering her pants just enough for him to enter her from behind. She barely had time to take a hold of the edges of her desk before he grabbed her hips and started pounding, his mouth on her neck, sucking her blood in greedy gulps as he drove them both to orgasm. They were done in five and interrupted a minute later, but despite the rush and the sheer recklessness, she thought it was the best fuck of her life.

And when he snuck into her bedroom in the middle of the night four days later, two days earlier than planned, her alarms still stayed silent.

His eyes flaming and his voice hoarse, he told her he couldn’t bear another second, that he needed to have her right now, and her insides quivered and clenched at his lust for her. He tore off her clothes, dove between her legs, and licked her to the verge of a brilliant climax, then finished her with his fingers while drinking from the large vein on her inner thigh, the pain lifting her pleasure to breathtaking heights. She was still panting, flying in bliss when he crawled up her body, spread her legs wider, and pushed his rock-hard length into her. 

One hand in her hair, tilting her head back, the other taking support from the bed to thrust with more force than ever before, he held eye contact and demanded she let go, urging her to come again, for him, for them. Helpless under him, dizzy with the blood loss and the frenzy she had absolutely no control over, she could only stare into the black void of his eyes and surrender to the rough buildup. On the brink of her release, he bent to her neck, preparing to feed on her the second time, but lost in the overwhelming pressure gathering inside her, moaning and trembling without shame or restraint, she could not hear the faint warning at the back of her mind. When her orgasm surged through her, he bit open the pulsing vein, roaring in rapture as her blood spilled into his mouth and her muscles clamped around his cock, and she screamed her pain and her pleasure, clawing his back as the flames took her away into darkness before he had even come. 

Oh, yes. Their arrangement was most beneficial. No one needed to know a thing.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

The words kept jumping and blurring on the screen, the ready room couch calling for her louder and louder.

She was so tired.

Thoroughly, utterly, dead tired. And she wasn’t even half-way through her shift yet.

Did she really sleep so poorly? She didn’t think so. Chakotay had visited a few nights earlier, their time together leaving her pleasantly exhausted as always, but besides their sessions and the recurring nightmares, her sleep was usually deep and peaceful. Lack of sufficient rest could not be the issue.

The lack of coffee, on the other hand, was. What a stupid idea to cut back. No doubt the reason for her tiredness too. She had practically run on coffee most of her adult life. Why change something that worked perfectly well? Losing blood on a regular basis could also be a factor, but she had done the math. The pace they had set, her blood counts should be fine.

If only there was some action. A Borg cube, a Vidiian armada, or a scientific mystery to be solved. Or even a lone ship in need of rescue, maybe an entire planet, but no. The space remained devoid of conflict and the astronomical phenomena, while beautiful and intriguing in their own way, couldn’t energize her like an imminent threat to their lives did.

A nap would do her good. She was the captain, after all. If she decided a nap was in order, she would do so. Taking care of herself wasn’t a privilege but an obligation, to ensure she was sharp and ready if and when–

“Captain?”

She glanced at the doors, surprised to see Harry standing there with a PADD in his hand, shifting on his feet like he had been waiting for some time now. When did he sneak in?

“Yes, Ensign?”

“I… umm…” He walked closer and handed her the PADD. “Here are the readings you requested, Captain. Everything is set to test the new alignment of the dilithium crystals, whenever you’re ready.”

Oh, god.

She’d forgotten. How could she forget something that was settled only… fifteen minutes ago? An hour? How long had she been sitting in her ready room?

“Thank you, Harry. I’ll be there in a minute.”

A quick extra cup of coffee later, she entered the bridge hoping no one had guessed the true cause of her delay. Her worry was needless. Focused on their respective duties, eyes firmly on the consoles, no one reacted to her entry apart from Chakotay who threw her a smug smirk, as if proudly taking credit for her compromised state. Then the composure settled on his features again, effectively hiding the intimate bond that had grown between them.

Oh, how she loved their little secret. Like they were living two separate lives, one as the prim and proper command team of a Federation starship, the other as creatures of the night, seeking endless paths to pleasure. Had she known earlier how invigorating their togetherness would be, how deeply satisfying and beneficial to her captaincy and her well-being, she would have ditched the Starfleet regulations a hell of a lot sooner.

She sat down in her chair with an exaggerated poise. “Everyone set? Engineering?” And at the confirmation from Harry, Tom, and B’Elanna, she nodded. “Okay then, let’s try this.”

Ever since they’d installed the new dilithium crystals, the warp drive had been unstable. At lower speed, all was fine, but passing the warp 6.2 mark, the travel became unsteady, affecting all other systems in its wake. The refinement process hadn’t been able to clear out all the impurities, but after a thorough analysis, B’Elanna had deemed them insignificant and suggested a flaw in the alignment instead. After recalibration and a test drive, the problem remained. If they didn’t get the crystals to work properly, they would soon be out of warp drive.

“Steady. Don’t rush her, Tom,” she warned as they approached warp 6.

“No, ma’am. Going nice and slow.”

Confident in their success, she smiled, but as the tremors started at warp 6.18, she sighed. “Ease back to warp 4, Ensign. We’ll continue research.”

The fleeting excitement draining the last of her energy, she leaned back and massaged her temples. Chakotay studied her, taking in her weariness, and frowned, but before she could come up with a light remark to reassure him, the Doctor’s voice came through the comm.

“A moment of your time, Captain. And please bring the Commander with you.”

“We’ll be right there,” she acknowledged, then turned to Chakotay. “Good news, I hope. I sure could use some.”

Chakotay accompanied her quietly to the lift but as soon as the doors closed, he pressed her against the wall and looked her in the eyes.

“Don’t worry about the crystals, Kathryn. We’ll find a way to make them work. Meanwhile, maybe this will make you feel better.”

With an exquisite intensity that radiated all the way down to the tips of her toes, he threaded his fingers in her hair and captured her lips, the demand in his touch pulling her into the familiar realm where only the two of them existed. And she eagerly followed. The sensations of his soft mouth flowed through her like a dream and with a contented sigh, she curled her arms around his neck and arched into him. In his embrace, the world always drifted away, the possibility of getting caught a distant detail she soon forgot.

The lift ride was short, but they’d had plenty of practice to make every second count. When the doors opened, they were standing apart again, slightly out of breath and cheeks flushed, hot under the uniforms tucked firmly in place.

Lucky for them, no one ever seemed to notice.

“Congratulations, Commander,” the Doctor announced, adding the new readings to the previous ones, smiling widely. “My data shows you’ve adapted well to your changed nutritional needs. Whatever diet you’ve found agreeable, I suggest you carry on.”

Not risking even a peek at Chakotay’s direction, Kathryn kept her attention on the figures the Doctor presented.

Chakotay’s voice didn’t betray the truth either. “Last week you mentioned some promising findings for a potential cure. How is that coming along?”

“Sadly, that’s another approach that doesn’t appear worth pursuing further. The theory is valid, but the trials have all been unsuccessful. There’s still some variable I can’t identify.” At Chakotay’s evident disappointment, he took on a more cheerful tone. “Then again, since you’re obviously doing so well, I don’t see any need to rush into risky treatments. If your health was in danger, experimenting would make sense. I’ll keep on investigating and let you know how it proceeds.”

Chakotay thanked him and slid off the biobed, but as Kathryn was heading out with him, the Doctor cleared his throat.

“Not quite so fast, Captain. I’d like to examine you next.”

Her heart skipped a beat. “Me?”

Everything in her warned her to keep their secret. If the Doctor found out that Chakotay had been feeding on her for weeks, her fatigue would be the least of her problems.

“It’s nearly a year since your annual checkup, and I’ve noticed you’ve looked rather tired lately.”

She waved a hand in dismissal. “Oh, I’ve been cutting back on coffee.”

“An advisable decision, but still.” The Doctor waited, tricorder in hand.

“I’ll schedule an appointment,” she tried, but as if he had been expecting that exact response, the Doctor refused to let her off the hook.

“Very well. But if I hear one more concern from the crew about your health, I’ll have no other choice than to relieve you of duty.”

She swirled around. “You what?”

Who on earth would rat about a few yawns?

He stood unwavering, but at her apparent shock, his voice softened. “They’re worried about you, Captain, and frankly, so am I. They see you’re exhausted but since they don’t feel comfortable talking to you directly, they come to me, thinking I can help. Which I can, if you let me.”

With a lift of her chin, she resorted to her last defense: her position and pride. “I’ll make time for that appointment at the earliest opportunity.”

In the corridor, she hurried after Chakotay and managed to catch him before the turbolift.

“We have to talk,” she whispered, but his only reply was a mischievous grin.

He glanced both ways down the corridor, then pushed her to the maintenance room and closed the door behind them. In the dim light of the confined space, he leaned near and cupped her face, tilting her head and bending down to brush her lips with his.

“Talk. Absolutely,” he murmured. “But first, I want to kiss you.”

Her giggle melted into a sigh. With his tongue sliding into her mouth and his hands trailing down her back to grab her behind, staying serious was an impossibility. He made her feel too damn good.

The playful, passionate man who had emerged from beneath the commander had been quite a change. A pleasant surprise and a treat to her starving femininity, but also a huge shift in their relationship, much more profound than just the step from friends to lovers. Ever since they had met, he had been the sensible one. Calm and controlled, balancing her, supporting her, but also able to see beyond her risky ideas and keep her safe from her own recklessness. Now, it seemed she had to find that caution and control herself.

His fingers sneaking under her shirt and stroking her breasts, she held onto him, moaning her delight into his mouth, but as he lifted her thigh to his hip and pressed his erection against her, making his intentions clear, she gasped.

“Chakotay! We can’t. Not here. Not on duty,” she chastened, but added after a brief consideration, “Not again, anyway.”

She giggled again, her laughter ending in a moan as his lips moved lower to her neck. A shiver of desire ran through her, the temptation to let go almost too strong to resist. Gathering all her willpower, she managed to push him away.

He raised his head, searching her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“Someone of the crew has mentioned my tiredness to the Doctor, and he insisted I stay in for a checkup.”

“Who… ?”

“I don’t know, but this is hardly unexpected. I’m certain most of the bridge crew has noticed I’ve had trouble concentrating. First, I thought I was tired because of the reduced coffee and the added… exercise,” she grinned, “but now I’m starting to believe it’s actually because of the blood loss. For some reason, I’m not recovering as fast as I estimated.” She caressed the short hair on his nape and looked up in regret. “I think it would be wise to take a break, Chakotay.”

His hold around her waist tightened. “Is it really that bad?”

“I nearly fell asleep on duty yesterday. Today, I forgot the test drive. I sleep ten hours a night. It’s definitely getting worse, but nothing a little rest and a break shouldn’t fix. Eight days, Chakotay. Do you think you can wait that long?” She batted her lashes and tugged at the collar of his jacket. “Or will you run off and find someone else?”

The shadows on his face shifted to a brilliant smile. Pulling her close, he kissed her forehead, nose, and lips. “I’ll wait for an eternity if I have to, Kathryn Janeway. No one will ever take your place in my heart – or my bed.” On the last word, he bit her bottom lip and chuckled at her cry, then soothed the pain away with his tongue, reminding her of all the other ways that sweet, sinful mouth of his had pleasured her.

Oh, yes. She truly enjoyed this new version of him. And herself with him, for that matter. It wasn’t a game they could keep on playing but for now, under the pretext of his condition, she would keep on telling herself that a little harmless romp with her first officer wasn’t such a great crime. Until he was cured, she would savor every second.

A good night’s sleep worked miracles and the next morning, she woke up ready to tackle the problem at hand.

Without a solution how to fix the flawed dilithium crystals, they would have to try and find new ones. The chance to come across another star system with such natural resources wasn’t likely, leaving them with the option of trade. But the alien species in possession of the merchandise turned out more challenging than their average first contact.

After a 48-hour waiting period for permission to settle into orbit – a routine safety precaution, the Ralgra authorities explained – only the two highest-ranking officers were allowed to beam down. Without weapons, without security, obligated to stay until their business was finished and they were ready to leave. The negotiations itself proceeded in a civilized, if not also a painfully slow and winding fashion. On the outside, the council expressed sympathy for Voyager’s difficult situation and offered assurances of their willingness to help, but beneath the benevolent demeanor, Kathryn could detect opportunism and greed. Inevitable trouble.

Her hunch proved correct.

Whatever Kathryn offered in trade for the crystals, the Ralgra wanted more. Subtly, of course, veiled in the shroud of diplomacy, appealing to the many needs of their suffering people. Kathryn played along, enduring the long days of talks going nowhere, keeping her rising frustration and irritation in check. Chakotay, however, wasn’t as tolerant.

Since his illness, he hadn’t been quite as patient as he used to be, nor as resistant to provocation and setbacks. Another change she had yet to get accustomed to. Watching his tightening jaw and clenched fists as the aliens kept bringing up details that needed to be discussed before an agreement could be reached, she gradually began to doubt his ability to cope. The fact that he hadn’t had his regular dose of fresh blood in a week didn’t exactly help.

“How are you holding up?” she asked him on the third evening.

The eight-day break they had agreed on had passed and even though he hadn’t said anything, the growing restlessness in him was evident.

“I’ll live,” he said dryly. “If only they would let us back on the ship so I would have access to a decent replicator meal.”

He hadn’t felt comfortable requesting blood from their hosts and, frankly, Kathryn concurred. Interaction with this species seemed complicated enough without having to explain his unusual needs.

“I wish I could help, but considering the circumstances, I feel I’m going to need all my energy and more before this deal is done.”

The vein on his temple bulged. “They’re getting on my nerves, Kathryn. I’m not sure how much more I can take.” Then he shook his head as if to rid something unpleasant. “I’m sorry. I’m not feeling like myself. I should rest.”

Kathryn reached out to touch his chest but let her hand drop. The tension in him was different somehow, too close to the surface to tempt any further. “I understand. I’m beginning to lose my faith in these talks too. If they’re still stalling tomorrow, we’ll withdraw our offer and leave.”

“You’d do that? End the negotiations?”

They really needed the dilithium, but after a certain point, it was better to pull back than to keep on bending without any certainty that the strategy would pay off. Besides, her instincts told her Chakotay was nearing his limit. And she didn’t want to stay and find out what would happen if that line was crossed.

She smiled and turned to retreat to her own quarters. “I would. I hate this polite extortion these people are practicing, but even more, I need to see you well again. We’ll find the dilithium elsewhere.”

As expected, the next day didn’t see development in the style or swiftness of the negotiations. By noon, after three hours of discussing how to help the Eastern continent suffering from a decade-long severe drought while Chakotay’s breathing kept getting heavier and his comments shorter, Kathryn finally made the call.

“My deepest apologies, senators, but this isn’t going to work.” Her clear voice quieted the room, all eyes shifting to her. “This trade would have been valuable to us, but we cannot prolong our stay. If what we’ve offered so far isn’t satisfactory, we should end the talks here. We’ll return to investigate the dilithium we recently acquired and try to refine it into something usable. I’m so sorry to have taken your time.”

Whatever response she had expected didn’t happen.

There was no surprise, no disappointment, no attempt to make them stay. No counteroffer to close the deal that must have already been more profitable than what they had dared to hope for, not even fury or resentment for breaking protocol. Nothing – but a silence, thick with sudden alertness.

“You… You’ve encountered these crystals in this sector?” Coruya, the lead negotiator, asked, her calm a sharp contrast to the restlessness of the other senators around the long table.

Kathryn let her gaze sweep the room, taking in the changed atmosphere she didn’t understand, then returned her attention to the woman. “We have, on a planet about twenty lightyears away, in a binary star system with six planets and a large asteroid belt.”

Someone let out a choked sound.

“I see. The place is well-known for its dilithium. Among other things. While you were there, did anything unusual happen? Anything that caused you to worry?”

There were only seconds to decide the best course of action, nevertheless, Kathryn saw no reason to hide the truth. Maybe this species would have answers to the unsolved mystery.

“Now that you ask, yes. The Commander caught a virus that proved itself immune to our medical efforts, but made a fast recovery–”

This time, the gasps and whispers were loud and plenty.

“The Commander?” Coruya’s focus darted to Chakotay, her face pale. “And you brought him here, our home, a _Vikyira_?”

The tension was palpable, but Kathryn’s curiosity overrode her caution. “Do you know this illness?”

The woman’s eyes never strayed from Chakotay.

“Blood fever. He died, didn’t he?” Without waiting for confirmation, she went on. “But then he came back, only different, craving for blood. And now he feeds on the living, like a parasite, growing stronger by the day, ignoring the pain he causes and the deaths he leaves behind.”

The words were spat out with venom and disgust, and at Chakotay’s objection, everyone seemed to flinch as if his voice alone was a possible threat. Kathryn motioned him to step back.

“No. That’s not true. His heart did stop beating but he’s very much alive, and the only change is that he needs more iron in his diet than before. He hasn’t killed anyone, and I can assure you he isn’t dangerous.” While speaking, Kathryn inched herself between Chakotay and the council.

Coruya’s eyes widened in recognition. “He’s made you his servant.”

“What? No!”

“Does he drink your blood?”

“I fail to see the relevance–”

“Does it feel like he senses your needs so accurately that it’s like he’s reading your mind? Like you have a bond no other two people can possibly share, more intense than any you’ve experienced before?”

Kathryn blinked.

“Have you found yourself acting in ways you normally wouldn’t? Agreeing to do things that are against your beliefs or principles, even ones endangering your health? And are you finding excuses for why those decisions are not only logical but essential, like there isn’t any real alternative?”

The tightness around her chest made her breathing shallow.

“Have you discovered odd bruises on your body, wounds on your neck and wrists, marks you can’t remember where they came from?”

“No,” Kathryn said, hoping her voice didn’t sound so weak. That was where she would draw the line. Chakotay would not feed on her without her permission. “We have an arrangement.”

“I see. A completely consensual one, I’m sure. And what if you don’t abide by that arrangement? What do you think will happen then?”

Uninvited, the persistent nightmares rose to her mind. Images of a dark figure by her bed, filling her head with promises of passion, demanding her surrender. Dreams she could only vaguely recall in the morning. What if those weren’t dreams after all? He knew where she kept her dermal regenerator. Any wounds would be easy to heal before she woke up.

Doubt curled into a tight knot at the pit of her stomach, but when she glanced over her shoulder at Chakotay’s dark eyes and expressionless face, the uncertainty inside her eased in an instant.

“No,” she said more firmly. “You’re wrong. The illness may be the same, but the effects are different. We have this under control.”

Silently summoned, a group of heavily armed men entered and took up position along both sides of the room, weapons drawn and aimed at them.

Coruya regarded her with pity. “If that’s what you want to tell yourself. But be warned, Captain Janeway. This creature may look like the man you knew, but he isn’t human anymore and will never be again. He’s a _Vikyira,_ a living dead. A hunter and a shadow, capable of manipulating the mind to get what he wants, driven only by his lust for blood. No one on your ship is safe if you choose to keep him on board.”

Kathryn looked at Chakotay again, but his face remained blank. How he felt about all this, she could only guess. Surely what the woman described was folklore evolved into myths, colored by fear and superstition, but considering Chakotay’s own shifting mood and growing hopelessness he did his best to hide, his silence worried her.

“The planet you visited has been forbidden for generations. A graveyard where the shadows are still said to haunt anyone foolish enough to disturb their peace. I trust you noticed the ruins. Two centuries ago, the population drove themselves to extinction because they believed like you do, that they could control the dead. They couldn’t, no one can.” More guards came in, the sheer number of armed men escalating the situation to the brink of war. “Now go. We haven’t encountered a _Vikyira_ in over three decades, but the guards still remember how to deal with them. Unlike you, Captain, we are ready and able to protect our people.”

Deeming a quick and quiet exit the wisest choice, Kathryn nodded and reached to tap her combadge.

“Wait!” Chakotay’s voice cut through the air, freezing the scene.

He stepped forward to address the council, perhaps to ask more information for the cure, but his intentions were misunderstood. A row of weapons was raised and before any order was given, a young man with sweat on his forehead and a nervous finger on the trigger roared – and fired.

The shot meant for Chakotay hit Kathryn’s shoulder and at her cry, the fragile balance in the room shattered into chaos.

Lying on the floor, people screaming and running for safety, she could hear Chakotay calling for an emergency beam out and Tuvok replying through a static noise to hold on until they could get a lock. Temporarily paralyzed, she could only concentrate on breathing through the burning pain and rely on Chakotay to get them out, but when he knelt beside her and turned his attention to the wound on her shoulder, a wound where she could feel her warm blood pouring out in the rhythm of her rapid pulse, she didn’t see the man she had come to trust.

She saw the hunger, raw and pure, stripped of anything human.

His eyes darkened and lost focus, a low growl rising from his throat. As if his existence had narrowed down to the sight in front of him, he only stared at the fountain of blood, inhaling the metallic scent like it was the sweetest drug, hands trembling and fangs bared, ready to sacrifice everything for the feast catered for him.

Tuvok’s voice snapped him out of the trance the very next second, but the damage was already done. The selfish, destructive, uncontrollable nature of his new self finally revealed in all its ugliness, he jerked away from her in horror. He glanced at the guards closing in around them, then at her injured body and helpless state, absolute self-loathing reflected on his face.

“One to beam up,” he rasped and ripped off his combadge, his tormented eyes catching hers in a last, pointless apology.

Like a caged animal, with nothing to lose.

“The hell you’re not,” she hissed and gripped the front of his uniform with what was left of her strength. “Two to beam up, Tuvok, straight to sickbay. And seal the area. You’re coming with me, Chakotay, and we’re going to settle this, once and for all.”

* * *


End file.
